Monday to Friday this blog is packed with content to expand your understanding. We dig into some of the harder discussions and helpful solutions!!
This week we discuss he 17 primary parental alienation strategies fall into five general categories:
(1) poisonous messages to the child about the targeted parent in which he or she is portrayed as unloving, unsafe, and unavailable;
(2) limiting contact and communication between the child and the targeted parent;
(3) erasing and replacing the targeted parent in the heart and mind of the child;
(4) encouraging the child to betray the targeted parent's trust; and
(5) undermining the authority of the targeted parent. Taken together these parental alienation strategies foster conflict and psychological distance between the child and the targeted parent. When one parent engages in these behaviors they can be considered a toxic ex.
Then we break down how children who reject one parent to please the other parent are referred to as alienated or as having the parental alienation syndrome. They will express most if not all of the 8 behavioral manifestations:
(1) campaign of denigration of the targeted parent
(2) weak, frivolous, or absurd reasons for the rejection of the targeted parent;
(3) lack of ambivalence towards both parents in which one is viewed as all good and the other as all bad;
(4) lack of remorse for the poor treatment of the targeted parent;
(5) reflexive support for the favored parent;
(6) use of borrowed scenarios;
(7) the "independent thinker" phenomenon; and
(8) spread of animosity towards the friends and family of the targeted parent.
Then we provide some strategies and tools that might help you negotiate snd understand the Alienation you are experiencing.
Non compliance is seen in a number of direct behaviors like refusal to show up, showing up at an agreed spot at the wrong time or date with the child, not being available to accept paperwork, not answering communication in a timely manner. These are obvious and recordable examples of what is known as Stonewalling and are often manageable in court at a cost. What is not manageable are the hidden and passive aggressive stonewalling behaviors. These are things like creating fear in the child about the other parent, telling degrading stories about the other parent, projecting onto the other parent in negative ways. This can be most harmful when the child's performance determines the level of attention and praise and love that the abusive parent gives the child, because it is based on whether they disconnect from the other parent. This happens in everyday life, in non verbal communication and in the modelling that is so naturally accepted in the parent child relationship
Undermining an authority or safe person to a child will destabilize the safety they feel in their world. Every child is different and each has their own personality and curiosity about their world. To develop in healthy ways, a child must be able to individualize out into their world safely as they ask questions and form understandings. There is a clear line for age appropriate explaination to questions, however these answers are never given at the expense of the child or the child's sense of security or safety. That creates an unhealthy attachment and codependent relationship dynamic with the abusive parent and deteriorates the attachment and relationship of the child and target parent.
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